family picture, by chet.

chet drew the cutest picture of our family while we were sitting in sacrament meeting today.

from left to right: matt, holden, me (with the longer girl hair), tad (the really small one!), and chet.

tank is in the front row.

i think that going to school has inspired him to want to learn how to write/draw/hold a pencil properly, and that makes me very happy.

i have tried to show chet how to do those things a whole lot in the past, but he just wasn't very interested.

and he can be stubborn!

lately, i have loved watching him practice his letters, practice printing in between the lines, drawing things other then smiley faces (although, he does make a pretty adorable smily face!), and being creative.

i loooove kid art. it is so dang cute.

i love plastering our fridge with things that our boys have created.

tad is home!

we got to bring tad home on friday, september 18.

he spent a total of 27 days in the hospital.

and, even though he keeps us up at night more then we would like, we are thrilled to have him home!

despite the fact that we are now well versed in NICU stays, i didn't handle this one all that well.

i'm not sure i have handled any of them that 'well', but this time i have cried the most.

i know that there are families out there who have to endure much longer hospital stays - my heart goes out to them - but 27 days seemed pretty long to me.

thankfully, matt was able to take lots of time off work that month. that helped me a ton.

i didn't keep an official count but, i would assume, we made 80+ trips back and forth to the hospital in those days.

(thank heaven for our parking pass!)

(and thank heaven that we got to deliver at the hospital closest to our home!)

although, the 10 minute drive to and from the hospital still managed to be such a sad one.. i was always leaving someone.

the hardest part with tad's stay was being torn between spending time with tad or with chet and holden.

we took the big boys to visit tad every 2 or 3 days, but their attention span is short in a place where there are oodles of rules (holden especially).

so that meant all the other trips were without them.

tad doesn't necessarily care if i am with him - he sleeps 95% of the time and, whether i am at the hospital or not, he was well taken care of.

we even signed him up for the volunteer cuddlers to spend time with him when we weren't around!

but i cared if i was with him.

it's weird when you have a baby that you don't get to take home - all of a sudden, you don't have a baby inside you, but you also don't have a baby to hold.

i felt very anxious when i was away from him.

and, at the same time, i wanted to be around my big boys (the ones who actually care if i am around or not).

they were very good sports about being bounced around between babysitters but, by the end, they were ready to just spend a whole day at home. and i don't blame them.

thankfully, they always got to spend time people they love (grandparents/cousins/friends).

my goodness, we were seriously so blessed in the babysitting department.

i owe a lot of people a lot of thank yous!

the last week of tad's stay was frustrating.

up until that point, we only really ever got good news. tad constantly progressed.

but we spent the last week discouraged by that darn carseat test.

the doctors at this hospital preferred to call it a 'challenge' rather then a 'test'.

but they still used the words 'pass' and 'fail'... so i think that classifies it as a test!

either way, tad is still quite young and the task of sitting in his carseat aaand maintaining his oxygen levels was tricky for him.

after 4 unsuccessful attempts, the neonatologist decided to start tad on caffeine.

the caffeine is a stimulant that should prevent the episodes of low oxygen saturation.

i was sad to start him on the caffeine because 1.) i am not a big fan of medications and 2.) i knew that there were some side effects to it.

but the caffeine worked like a charm. he aced his carseat test after that.

and then... we got to bring him home!

tad is such a handsome little fellow.

oh man, we love him.

(even if i do feel as though death is upon me some times when he wakes us up in the middle of the night!)

in all honesty, he does sleep a whole lot longer then he would've had we brought him home on day 1, so i suppose i shouldn't complain too much.

we are even getting into a pretty good eat & sleep routine.

i am still more teary-eyed then i have been after our other two pregnancies but, thankfully, i am also able to see how blessed i am to have 3 adorable boys, an incredibly helpful family, thoughtful friends, and a husband who has been patient and loving as he has put up with more emotional messes in the last 5 weeks then most husbands probably deal with in a lifetime.

i am one lucky girl.

(leaving the hospital)

(we now fill up every seat in our car. oh dear!)

(the first thing we did when we got him home was hang out on the floor with him - something that would have been frowned upon at the hospital!)

(angry elf.)

(he fits perfectly in my crossed legs.)

our poor garden.

the last couple months, our garden has really been neglected.

we had really good intentions for bring great gardeners again this year, but the early arrival of tad made that tricky.

we went and harvested the majority of our garden the other weekend, before things got too out of hand.

we got a whole lot of potatoes, carrots, beans, zucchini, and tomatoes.

it has been fun to be eating what we grew.

we still need to go back and harvest our pumpkins when it gets closer to halloween.

the pumpkins are what chet and holden are most excited about.

they were also pretty pumped about our watermelons.. until we cut into one and it was all white inside! dang it.

here are the boys with our biggest zucchini.

when we picked it, it was at least twice as heavy as their baby brother!

other then that, i was terrible at taking pictures :(

twins.

we get asked if chet and holden are twins a lot.

and, by a lot, i mean A LOT.

i swear, every time we are in public someone asks us!

and, now that tad is here, everyone likes to point out how he looks just like his brothers too.

perhaps, once tad has grow a bit bunch more, we will be asked if the boys are all triplets!

just for kicks, here are picture of chet, holden, and tad when they were all just a couple weeks old.

although they do have their own look, it is obvious that they are brothers!

chet:

holden:

tad:

carseat test.

this little piece of perfection officially reached the 5 pound mark.

it's crazy to think that he has almost gained a whole pound already.

his nurse today even said he looks 'chubbier' then the last time she took care of him.

i am very happy that he is growing stronger each day but, i'm not gonna lie, i am kind of sad he is growing up so much before he has even set foot outside unit 76.

when i think about how much he has changed since he was born, it seems like time is going by way too fast.

but, when i think about how badly i want him home, it seems like time is going painfully slow.

i honestly don't know how parents deal with their children being in the hospital for much longer stays.

tad is now 35 + 5 weeks gestation and has been in the NICU for 25 days.

the last thing tad needs to do before he can go home is pass a 'carseat test'.

unfortunately, he has taken it 4 times.. and failed every time.

dang it.

the carseat test is pretty simple. all tad has to do is sit in a carseat for 90 minutes while keeping his oxygen levels above 85%.

when he is laying in a bed, tad's oxygen level easily sits around 90%, or higher.

but, the second we put him in a carseat, his levels drop off.

the first test was the worst - they dropped into the 60% and his lips turned blue.

i am beyond excited to take tad home. i can hardly wait to snuggle with him on our couch without any wires, but i certainly don't want him home if he isn't capable of maintaining those levels - that would be so stressful.

after our 4th failed attempt last night, the doctors have come up with a new game plan.

tad is now taking a low dosage of caffeine to (hopefully) help his keep his levels up.

he will be re-tested on friday.

feel free to cross your fingers that tad will pass that time :)

another tad update.

this is a late night family selfie at the hospital.

it almost looks like tad is smiling too!

we have spent so much time at the hospital/driving to the hospital/dropping & picking up kids so we can go to the hospital/organizing babysitters so we can go to the hospital.

tad is just 3 weeks old today, but i am so done with the hospital.

we were originally told that tad won't be released until he is 36 gestation (today he is 35 + 2), but we are hoping that he will get sent home in the next couple days.

the doctors have said they don't really have anything to do for him - he is eating and breathing all on his own, and he hasn't set off any alarms in days - so how about we just send him home?!

he is, by far, doing better then both of his big brothers. thanks tad, we needed that!

our fingers are crossed reeeal tight that we get kicked out of the NICU soon.

i think the meltdown i had last night might help.

ugh, i had been doing really good with my emotions the last couple days.

but, last night, when i went to visit tad, there was something that sent me right back to my embarrassing sobbing-in-public state.

unfortunately, i think the hospital staff all think i am crazy now.

but, if that happens to make them want to send us home sooner, they can think i am a total nut!

since tad doesn't do a whole lot these days, most of the pictures of him are pretty similar. haha

but man, he is cute. enjoy!

(passed out after a big bottle)

thirty.

i had such good intentions of making a big deal of matt's 30th birthday but, due to Tad's early arrival, that just did not happen.

matt didn't care -  he isn't the party type - but i still felt kinda guilty for not fussing over him more.

perhaps next year we can spoil him a bit more!

i am pretty bummed that matt and i are getting so old. where is time going?!

were we not just dorky 18 year olds?

matt is my favorite.. even is he has crossed over into the thirties.

i love him more then he knows.

there is not a chance i would have made it through the past weeks without his sweetness and patience.

happy birthday matt!

(matt requested a cake covered in chewy candies for his birthday this year. apparently you can never be too old for chewy candy!)

kindergarten

we told chet school would start when summer was over.

and today, when we woke up, it definitely felt like summer was over! it was so cold.

so we weren't kidding!

chet has been waiting for school to start for months.

he has been so excited to be a kindergartner.

and today was *finally* his day to begin.

last night, he laid out his clothes, packed up his backpack with all the things his teacher told his to bring, and got to bed early so he wouldn't be tired in the morning.

i thought (and maybe hoped?) that he would be a little sad to go this morning... but he wasn't.

he was such a brave little guy as we walked into school for the first time today.

(thankfully, he wasn't so brave that he didn't want to hold my hand though!)

i showed him the way to his class and his teacher took over from there.

i watched from a distance as he hung up his backpack, put on his indoor shoes, found his name tag, and made his way to the rug.

my goodness, my little chetty seemed so grown up when i walked out of the classroom.

and, in the ridiculously emotional state i am in these days, it was sure hard on my heart.

but i am so happy for him. i know he will love it.

i sure am going to miss him though.

and holden too!

when we went to pick him up, holden ran to chet and gave him a hug.

it was seriously the sweetest thing.

those boys are honestly BEST friends.

i am excited to see chet learn and grow this year, he will do great.

tad update.

tad is 34 weeks today.

he was born 12 days ago.

he has passed his birth weight and now tips the scales at 4 pounds 5 ounces.

he is breathing all on his own.

he takes 50-100% of his feeds by bottle and what he doesn't take by bottle he takes through a feeding tube.

he had his first bath when he was 10 days old.

he had a head ultrasound on tuesday that found a 3mm cyst in his brain. apparently we aren't supposed to worry about that. a follow-up ultrasound was scheduled for 3 weeks later.

all the hospital staff are impressed with how well he is doing - we are often told he is 'mature for his age'.

we anticipate him coming home sometime around his 36 week mark (september 18)

between matt and i, we spend about 9 hours/day visiting him.

he shared a room for 1 night with matt's junior high girlfriend, justine's, baby girl. haha what are the odds?!

he is so. stinkin'. cute.