on april 4, the boys and i were on our way home from the central library in pasadena when we were hit my a car that ran a red light. we were heading east on corson street, and the driver of the other car was heading north on los robles avenue.
the other driver was an 88 year old man who had just gotten his driving rights reinstated on april 1. he had them taken away for a period of time due to a stroke he had. at the time of the accident, he was disoriented and didn't know he had run the red light. physically, he will be fine. but the police officers said he will never drive again.
we were both driving at about 35mph when the accident happened. the other car hit us on our passenger side back door (where tad was sitting) and the force of the hit flipped our car onto the drivers side. our car then slid on its side into a light post, and the roof of our vehicle was crushed around the pole. the roof was literally touching the headrests on the seats that our boys were sitting in. a few more inches and it would have been tragedy.
i didn't see the other car coming at all. i only have flashes of memory of the moment when i knew i didn't have control of the car and then when i knew we were on our side. after that i remember screaming. lots. the boys and i were both hysterically screaming. i unbuckled and checked on our boys, who were miraculously all alive and conscious. then i saw 2 men looking in our windshield, and i frantically shouted to them i had 3 kids in the car with me. i passed each of our boys out to the men through the broken passenger front window - first holden, then chet, and last was tad. then i scrambled to gather my things and find my sandal (which seemed really important to be at the time, and i never did find!) and then climbed out too. when i got out i collapsed in the arms of one of the men who helped us, and just cried for a minute. looking back, i almost feel selfish for doing that when our 3 little boys were crying on the sidewalk. but i needed that moment. i needed a hug. then i snapped back into mom mode and gathered our boys into a big group hug. we were crying, tad was screaming, the car alarms and horns were going off, and the firetruck sirens were arriving. it was pure chaos. a police officer asked me if i had anyone i could call, so i dialed matt in the middle of that chaos. i could hardly hear him on the other line. i was just shouting into the phone:
me: MATT! MATT! MATT! CAN YOU HEAR ME?
matt: YES!
me: WE WERE JUST IN A CAR ACCIDENT AND IT WAS REALLY BAD. THE CAR IS FLIPPED. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED. WE ARE ON THE CORNER OF... I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE... I CAN'T SEE THE STREET SIGNS. MATT IT WAS REALLY BAD.
poor matt. i am sure his heart stopped in that moment. i handed off my cell phone to one of the men who had helped us out of the car and asked him to tell my husband where we were. matt was luckily just a few minutes away, and got to the accident quite quickly. i was so happy to see his face when he got there. i needed him - the kids were all upset, police officers were questioning me, EMS were trying to load our kids into different ambulances, and i was so flustered. when he got there, holden and i headed out in one ambulance, and matt went with chet and tad in another. we all headed to USC-LAC in los angeles and were checked into the pediatric emergency room. we were probably only separated for an hour tops, including the ambulance ride and triage, but it felt like forever. i felt so much anxiety in that moment over my family being apart. when we were reunited, we were smushed into one giant hospital bed for the rest of our stay.
in the hospital, they took x-rays and ran blood tests on me and they did ultrasounds and blood tests on chet and holden. after a few hours, they determined that we were all just fine to be released. they never admitted tad as a patient. they felt like since he was in his 5-point harness at the time of the accident, and he wasn't expressing that he was in pain, that he wasn't in need of any treatment. ironically, he turned out to be the one with the biggest injury! a few days after the accident, tad's left collarbone was swollen and bruised, and it was obvious it was broken. he had been fussy in the daytime and waking up a lot in the night since the accident. and, once we figured out that his collarbone was broken, it made sense why! we felt really bad for not figuring out his injury sooner. he now wears a figure-eight shaped harness around his shoulders.
we were discharged from the hospital at about 2am. holden and tad were out cold, we had no vehicles and no carseats. it was awesome! (please note my sarcasm). police officers had offered to move matt's truck from the accident site to a gas station parking lot down the street, and keep his keys at the police station, so that he could ride in the ambulance. so we figured that it made most sense to send matt in an uber to the police station (which was closed when he got there, and he had to wait for an officer to come unlock it), and then to the parking lot, and then to our house to get the 1 extra carseat we had for tad, and then back to grab the boys and i. it seemed weird to us that the hospital would discharge us after an accident without carseats for all our children, but they didn't know what else to do! when matt finally got back to the ER, we tossed our family in the truck and headed to a mcdonald's down the street because the kids said they were starving. but between the time when we ordered the food and when they passed it out the drive thru window, everyone was passed out again.
the next morning, we were all pretty sore. mostly in our necks. my elbows were really sore too, and we all had headaches on and off for a while. we contacted a lawyer, our insurance company, the impound lot that had our car, and the police. it is a TON of work to sort through an accident like this. it really didn't seem fair to me that we were so inconvenienced when I DID NOTHING WRONG! i honestly can't imagine doing all that work if you had just lost someone in an accident, or if you were seriously injured. i have a new view and place in my heart for people in that situation.
we went to the impound lot the day after the accident. it was an emotional experience to see our car in that state. i mean, we had seen it when the accident occurred. but to see it in daylight like that, was hard. it reinforced how close we were to death.
long story short, the other driver had insurance. we will get reimbursed, eventually. we are healing up well. tad has some more follow ups for his collarbone, and i am going to chiropractor appointments 3 times/week. we need to get chet in to speak with a professional about his feelings on the accident. since the accident, he has been having a lot of nightmares and anxiety. we hope to nip that in the bud. i am a lot more nervous driving these days - i actually didn't drive at all for the first couple weeks - but i think i just need time to heal that way. holden and tad have been affected by the experience too, obviously. we are hoping they are young enough that it won't stay in their memory forever. every time tad hears sirens, he worries that a car has tipped. and every time he plays with cars, he acts out our accident. holden doesn't like driving on roads that look like the one we crashed on, and has had nightmares too. we have replaced both of our vehicles (matt was planning to sell his truck already) and are starting to feel like life is getting back to normal. we feel so lucky.
yesterday, i finally got the courage to call the 2 men that helped us climb out of the car. i had been wanting to call them and say thanks for weeks, but i was nervous. i didn't know how to properly thank someone for something so meaningful. the first guy i talked to was really friendly and boisterous. he did most of the talking in our conversation. his view on it was that we are all one family and we just step in when one of us gets hurt. that's just what you do. he also said that he had lost his job right before i called him, and that he appreciated the call and the reminder that he is valued. i thought that timing was kinda neat! the second guy didn't answer when i called. i left a voicemail... that i cried in! in the voicemail, i explained who i was, how much i appreciated that he stopped and helped us, how scary it would have been without him, how our boys speak of him as our hero, and that we are all healing up just fine. he ended up calling me back maybe 10 minutes later to say that he had been hoping he had a way to get in touch with me, and was so glad i called. he sounded like such a nice guy. (i feel weird saying this next part, but...) he said that he wanted to commend me on how i rose to the occasion that night. he could tell how terrified i was, and so he was impressed how i got all the kids out and kept it together for them. he thought it was neat to see how strong a mom can be for her kids - both physically and emotionally - when tragedy strikes. i definitely didn't think anyone had seen me in that light that night. i felt like i was a mess! but it was so nice to hear that from him. and it is so true... parents are strong! our love for our kids can make us capable of things we never thought possible.
this accident could have been a million times worse. honestly. the police officers said they couldn't believe we all came out without any major injuries, let alone alive. the more time that passes, the more that sinks in. and the more i realize that life is so fragile. and things can change so quickly. and, as much as we try to protect our families, it just isn't all up to us. other people can make stupid choices and we can't stop that. it is such a scary thought! and it makes me realize that i need to live and love NOW. don't waste a minute. because we never know what will happen tomorrow.
(the pictures below don't show how much bruising showed up on our bodies as time passed, but those pictures didn't seem necessary for a blog post.)
